realisation

yes, i now realised, i made a mistake, i should have gone back, i was till now trying to convince myself it was better staying here.. but no.. last few days, its been worse, feeling lonely.. ppl's attitude is pretty weird.. but one cant help it.. thats why missing home.. i dunno why is everyone behaving so strangely, i blame it on this stupid weather..
I also realised that my love life sucks.. haha.. its so filmi.. so unreal.. love triangle? lol.. watever it is, it failed.. most of my friends think its this girl they all think am in love with.. little do they know its nothing of that sort.. I am just very good friends with her for the past 2 and a half years, yes we do go out.. movies, dinner.. and yes, at one point in between i was hopelessly smitten, but i realised, there was no point in making things worse, from what i know, she wud never 'go out' with someone like me.. ppl say i never even tried.. may be i just didnt wanna lose her as a friend, am glad the way things are between us now.. calm, yet so much fun.. coming back to the point, the current interest has failed.. and there is no way one can expect any future..
am i gonna give up?? hehe.. any guesses?
my closest friends say am very secretive... is it true? it it right that having surrounded myself with so many ppl, i failed to find that one/few person(s) whom i can trust? i dunno.. i guess they wudnt be interested anyway. coz it isnt as simple as it seems..getting to know my complex life isnt something u wanna do.. i can trsut no one? this sucks!! the friends i made back home, bonded for years, were left behind, and now everyone is busy with their own selves, i dun blame them, being so far, i have no clue whats going on with them.. long distance frenships arent easy too..
try my best to keep in touch with them.. things are pretty well with most of them, but then, it isnt the same.. the new friends seem too new.. ugh.. too confusing oredi!!!
on a brighter note, am proud of myself for making friends easily.. ppl i can chit chat, hang out with.. isnt that all i need? haha.. and no doubt, all of my friends find me very trustworthy.. i never let secrets out.. gossip yes, secrets no.. pssssttt..

ugh. talking about college. had first lecture for cinemtic pleasure and the questions of identity. seems fun. i live for movies dun i? and with a hectic semester like that, a module like tis seems wonderful! i am half way thru one of the books i bought, and 3 stories done in the second one.. had marketing lecture today.. slept thru most of it.. didnt want to.. but really tired..
last but not the least, the plans to go china black got cancelled LAST MINUTE, when i was so totally ready.. left my room.. all dressed up.. damn.. am really pissed..
hope tomoro's good.. ppl started coming back from india oredi after hols.. dissu and tulsi coming tomoro, anju on 8th, that stupid chummi on 17th. ass. who comes so late. so miss my roomie. the room sucks now. that i realised only after hols ended.. like i said, i shud have gone back!!! sigh..